Original post: October 23, 2020
Yesterday was cloudy. It was not dark, but the sky was grey all the way. Fortunately, the season has already set up some beautiful colors on trees. I did not love the cloudy morning drive to school, but I was okay. I liked the temperature, and I was still thinking about my day, good things, and bad things. My morning mood from the fresh home-brewed coffee did not change a lot from seeing a grey sky.
I was not too fond of cloudy days and rainy days. I only liked sunny days. But who doesn’t? We learn from cartoons that a bright sunny day is a happy day. People need vitamin D for scientific reasons. The clear sky makes you feel like there is nothing that blocks you from the universe!
However, there were times that the dark grey sky hindered me from doing anything, thinking anything right, or enjoying the day. I was so down blaming that there is no piece of a blue sky. On rainy days, Koreans make all kinds of greasy pancakes that are filled with veggies and seafood. I could have done that. Well, I am not thrilled with greasy food, so I didn’t do it. My old roommate would cozy up with a thick blanket and enjoy a movie on a couch. Well, I have a terrible sense of catching up with a story, and I felt obligated every time I watched movies, so I didn’t do that either. Yes, it doesn’t sound very interesting. My point is, I did not know what to do with what I’ve got. I refused to enjoy the day because the conditions were not met to make the day good.
If there is anything that I learned in the past few years here in a foreign country – juggling the degree work, assistantship, outside teaching, and church job, plus adulting, – that it is 200% better for me to find something, or conjure up an idea from what I have at the moment than to try to fit the ‘standard,’ or to wait for the conditions met. I don’t have to love it, but I could save myself from always blaming what I cannot change. Whose ‘standard’ is it? Will there ever going to be an occasion where all the conditions met?
Maybe I was too fragile to admit that dark days do drag your heels. Maybe I needed to wrap myself up with the sunlight.
Every day has its beauty in it. Little achievements and good decision makings, watching squirrels running and leaves fluttering. It’s just another day that God created. I can let the heavy air in and feel the weight of the cloudy day. I can do something because it’s a cloudy day.